For those of you who don’t know, a few years ago I almost got engaged. Through a series of various circumstances, we didn’t quite get that far. But, in the process I did learn quite a few things on life, love and relationships. And I’m not talking about “How to Avoid a Douche Bag” kind of things (I’m a lady and wouldn’t say those kinds of things on the internet), but I’m taking about how to be a brazen unapologetic woman in the midst of all life’s twists and turns.

You see, this guy that I had been with, I thought he was brave. I thought he was adventurous. I thought he was the greatest adventurer that I had ever known. And in response, I became brave and brazen, and an adventurer. I knew to keep up with this guy, I needed to be a woman who could handle the end of the earth and more.

But then, something happened. It turns out we weren’t in the story I thought we were. No rings would be exchanged, and we wouldn’t have the ending I wanted at that time. The story as I knew it needed me to be brave in a different way than I had imagined. 

But something I learned didn’t go away after the idea of the wedding had passed. The bravery didn’t leave. The brazen woman that I had learned to become didn’t go away. I couldn’t turn off the idea that I was going to be adventurous.

This leads me to a movie. Right, I know. Most people don’t think of their life stories in turns of Disney Movies. Or, if they do, you tend to think that they are pathetic people. But I remember, back in the time when I was thinking that I was going to get married, there was a particular movie that really displayed the kind of woman that I had decided to become.

I had just gone to the midnight showing of The Pirates of the Caribbean, At World’s End.  There was a scene in the movie that literally made me tear with ambition. I remember driving home from the theatre and making an international call. I had been so inspired from the image of bravery and womanhood that I had witnessed, that I felt like an international call was in order, even though it was expensive. I had caught him late at night, but he was willing to listen to my thoughts.

The scene I am talking about is below:

The thing that got me about this clip back then was the idea that the girl wasn’t waiting to be saved. If you notice, she was just as up and prompt with her sword as he was. He would lean on her and hold her for support as he reached to fight his own battles, needing her as much as anything. And like wise, she wasn’t wearing a dress – she wasn’t waiting in distress, she wasn’t literally needing to be saved. Instead she had her own weapon. She knew how to fight. She was just as much apart of the romance and drama as he was.

The funny thing  about that particular relationship is that it didn’t work out. I learned how to be brave, and yet, I’m not married. Which, if you ask me is just fine. But I did learn something that lasted me much longer than the relationship. I learned how to be an Elizabeth Swan. To be brazen. To have my own sword. To take off the dress and engage in the fight of life. To hold my man with as much support and strength as I could muster, knowing that the fight and the adventure were my part as much as they are his.

So, in light of the pirate ways, I toast to Elizabeth Swan. Cheers to the woman who inspired me to be a real woman long before I needed to be one. A woman who showed me feminine strength even before I knew what I was going to be strong for. Women, we are needed with spines of steel -  but yet spines of steel clothed in flesh and softness.

Let us not forget that. In the stories of adventure, we have a key role to play out. Yet, we have to brave and graceful. Not simply brave alone – but brave and beautiful…even while holding a sword and wearing pirate pants.

About a year ago, my mom decided that she wanted to have a family tradition. Apparently, having traditions makes you a cultured Mexican, instead of just a regular Mexican, so she started Taco Sunday. If you’ve ever met my mom, or had the pleasure of being invited to Taco Sunday, you know that not only is she cultured (ie – the traditions), but she’s also an amazing cook. This specific Sunday was my older  brother’s birthday (Happy Birthday Fartface!), so Taco Sunday was in full birthday force.

During the course of conversation we started laughing about all of the crazy and untrue things that my parents used to tell us as kids.  They would tell us stories to make us stop crying, to try to avoid tantrums in public, or to give us “explanations” to end the ongoing barrage of questioning (“Why is the sky blue? Why do we have to stand in line? Can’t you make this go any faster? Why can’t I have candy…”). My mom laughed as she recalled all of the made up “truths” that consisted of our childhood, but as the stories piled up one at a time I started to find the whole thing not very comical anymore. Quickly, as the evidence was being laid out, a new truth was becoming very apparent.

My parents were big fat liars.

The thought echoed as it dawned on me. I was not having fun at Taco Sunday anymore – I was getting miffed! I looked at my parents and blurted out, “You guys were LIARS!” My mom looked at my dad. They both burst out laughing. “You try having four screaming brats, and tell me that you wouldn’t lie to them to get them to shut up!”

Now, I have to be honest, I am a little indignant over the little joys of childhood and life that I might have missed out on because I was such a good and gullible child. My mom still holds to the notion that they weren’t lies, they were just “good parenting”. But, considering that my opinion in the matter is not objective, I will discuss the evidence with you, and you can render the verdict on whether my parents were just “creative” or if they were indeed liars. Read the rest of this entry »

A couple of years back, there was an email circling around called “The Quarter Life Crisis.” I recently found it while cleaning out my inbox and deleting old mail (seriously, who does that? …apparently I do…). This particular email outlined a few thoughts that some of us in or mid-twenties might be experiencing:

1) You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year, but
then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

2)You look at your job…and it’s not even close to what you thought you
would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that
you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

3) One minute, you are insecure and the next, secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life.
You feel alone and scared and confused.

4)You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for
yourself… and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d
just like to be a contender!

5)You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do
such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better.

These are just a few off the list, but I found myself laughing along as I read down the page. The end of the email was super cheesy, with some quaint sparkling message saying, “Know that you aren’t alone, and be nice to others that are going through this too, because we’re all in the same boat – Now pass this along to 10 friends in 5 minutes or else a zombie is going to munch your dome while you’re sleeping,” or something stupid about bad luck and being dateless and never winning the lottery. Needless to say, I forwarded the email IMMEDIATELY. I  mean, according to this email, I’m already in crisis, so I wasn’t taking any chances on brain slurping zombies.  Read the rest of this entry »

Let me start this review by saying that I recommended this book to just about every Christian woman I have met this week. Yep, it’s fair to say that this is one of one of those books. You know, the book that you’ve barely finished Chapter 3 and you are already raving to your friends about, and by the time you finish it (which is most likely only 2 days after you bought it), you’ve managed to work it into every conversation – claiming that the book will change their life – regardless of their current circumstances.

Well, without sounding over zealous, I will venture to say with confidence that this book will change your life. I’ve already mentally gone down to the Christian book store and bought all of their copies for nearly every Christian woman friend that I see on a regular basis. Read the rest of this entry »

I would like to announce that today I have officially launched my new webpage www.jennibrownwrites.com!

As a reader what does this mean to you? Well, for starters, a face lift! The look and feel of my blog has been updated, as well as having my own URL. Don’t worry though, my word press URL will redirect you, so you can still get my stories and blogs.

For me however, it means that I am officially on my own site, and have graduated from novice-writer blogging to my five friends, to being “dot-comed,” with my very own web page. I feel grown up

So for those of you who already read me, know me, and love my writing – thanks for continuing to support me! And if you’re as excited as I am, tell your friends about www.jennibrownwrites.com!!

(Ps- special shout out to Minister Web Designer for all of your help in getting me set up. You’re the man!)

I figured after discovering that I have “Borderline Christian Values,” I might as well publish this post that I have been working on – thoughts on sex. And God. And the church. And reality. Because somehow in my mind, those things all get very messy very quickly.

Over the past 6 months or so, I have been having some very interesting conversations with friends and acquaintances – both Christians and Non-Christians alike. I am not trying to be some cliche writer that goes straight to the topic of sex because it’s controversial, but legitimately it seems to be a  grey area that begs questioning. I’m not referring to the logistics about sex (we can turn to Cosmo for those details), but more about the topic of sexuality. About what it looks like to be a woman or man and be sexual. What it looks like to be single and sexual. What it looks like to love God and be single and sexual.

The Christian Words of Wisdom: JUST DON’T.

I think I can speak for a lot of us who grew up in the Christian church when I say, sexuality can be an overwhelming subject. It can be hard to talk about, or hard to ask about. For most of my Christian life, I thought that “Good Christian Girls” loved Jesus, and didn’t really do much else than kiss their boyfriends. And then, in my teens I really struggled with guilt because I realized that there is a lot of grey area between kissing and sex, and no one prepared me to hash that part out.  The church’s only message to be about sexuality was “DON’T.” It said nothing about who I was as a sexual being, and how to think or feel about it. I assumed that I was wrong for wanting to do more than kissing, and moreover that I was probably the only Christian girl in the world that felt this way.

And now, in my mid-twenties I find it interesting that most of the people with really good attitudes toward sexual identity that I have met – did not grow up in the church. They are people who were never told “JUST DON”T,” but instead “It’s all good – you are sexual, embrace it.” And somehow, in their twenties these people seem to have a good mentality toward their sexual desires – regardless how much sex they are choosing to have or not have.

I remember the first time I had a  friend admit out loud,  ”I’m a super horny person. Most guys can’t keep up with me.” She loves God. And she wasn’t ashamed. She just said it like it was no big deal. She had come to Christ later in her twenties, and so she wasn’t indoctrinated in the “Shame Belief.” As I was hearing this, I felt like I had been hit by a train. The thought was so surreal. “Is it ok to like sex like that?” Read the rest of this entry »

Yesterday I was looking through keywords that people use to find my webpage. Apparently, college group sex is the way to get here.

I was shocked…but only for a moment. Because then I saw that the second thing that people Google to find my page is Borderline Christian Values.

I’m glad my writing has such a profound impact on the world.

I’m not writing this to whine. Let me start by saying that. I’m not looking to nag, or to complain. I think I have just been noticing things lately that make my heart heavy – and the more and more incidents I discover, the more I cannot help say to myself, “Wow, our world is full of sad things.”

Let Love Rule.

…..Right,  But How Do We Do That?

Monday night Hot Nerdy Blond and I drove up to Hollywood to grab dinner with a best friend of mine who lives out of state. A friend recommended the Saddle Ranch Chop House in Hollywood – which ended up being one of the funnest venues I have been to in a long time. Karaoke, bull riding, great food, and waiters that literally go above and beyond. Yet, I digress. What struck me about Monday night was that at one point in the evening, I looked out the window, and Sunset Blvd. was completely filled with people. Protesters, carrying signs, banging drums, chanting, full marching bands – all showing their disapproval for the recent Supreme Court ruling regarding Prop 8. Signs reading, “LET LOVE RULE” and “I DO.” or messages expressing how gay individuals had the right to get married too. Or at least be in love to. Or something to that effect (I’m sorry, I’m not the most politically correct person on this subject).

What stood out to me more than any one thing was not the subject of homosexuality, or even sexuality at all. It was just an overwhelming sense of sadness. I get it that marriage is supposed to be sacred, and that the Bible does have a lot to say on the matter. I also get it that homosexuals are people too. And they do fall deeply in love too. So…I think I love the idea of letting love rule. I love love. It’s amazing to be in love. And homosexuals shouldn’t be denied any of it. But, how do we do that?  And it made me so sad. It was like something deep inside of me had to turn and question – to say – “You know what? Something isn’t right. I don’t know what the right answer is. I don’t know how God would show love in this situation. I don’t know what the balance of “God’s Rules” vs. “God’s love and Grace” is. But I do know that this breaks my heart.”

Watching the people flooding through the street was one of the most impacting things I have seen in a long time. And as conflicted as I can feel on the matter sometimes, I couldn’t help but want to cheer them on. Cheer them into fighting against the sadness. Read the rest of this entry »

Let me bring you into a little event that happened at my church a few weeks back. I go to a fairly large church, so there are a few hundred people at each service. It was several weeks before Easter, and at the end of the message, a “Call to Action” was appropriate. Essentially, it was your typical altar call. The pastor was saying, “Now is the time, if you know that there is a call on your heart…bla bla bla.” The lights were dark. The music was pensive and emotional. They asked everyone to bow their heads and close their eyes. And then comes the part that I hate. They asked people to stand up if they wanted to receive Jesus in their hearts.

One guy, way in the back, rose to his feet. Everyone peeked through the dark to see if anyone was standing. The man was in his mid fifties or so, and from the looks of it (it was dark mind you) he seemed to be a person who normally isn’t in a church. The pastor stalled the music a bit longer. He kept talking, coaxing others to join and stand up. More music. More tension. Music. Tension.

Finally, the pastor begins talking to the one man who is standing. He asks everyone to give a round of applause for this guy who has decided to give his life to Jesus. The room erupts with cheering, shouting, whistling and applause. I almost lost my lunch. Read the rest of this entry »

Hotter, Nerdier, Blonder is coming home this week. I have kept most of the updates with him off the Internet, but he went away on a pretty lengthy business trip.  We have continued to talk on the phone while he has been gone, but he is returning within the next few days.

Now I bring this up not merely for the story element, but also because his return is about to signal a change in the relationship thus far. I have been so busy being excited to plant a big ole kiss on him in the airport that I forgot that after that picturesque moment, reality kicks in – we are in the beginning of a relationship.  And while that signals butterflies and floating around on pink clouds, there is another part of new relationships that isn’t quite so pleasant.

New relationships mean that you say to a person, “Yes I think I will decide to let you into who I really am.” I suppose it’s a decision to be discovered.  And from experience, sometimes this means that you feel like you are standing on the front lawn in your underwear holding a sign that says “Please still like me.”  No clothes to slim you or hide things. Just you and your chonies. And your hopes that they don’t walk away.

Read the rest of this entry »