The last gal in our group is a mom. She has several kids, the oldest of which is six. She laughed with us and said, “You know girls, it never goes away. You never get that feeling that you know what you are doing.”

She the went on to tell us that a few weeks ago, she wasn’t sure how to discipline her six year old for something he’d done. Feeling frustrated, she grabbed her head and said to him, “I don’t know what to do with a six year old!” Calmly, her son looked back at her and said, “It’s ok Mommy, can’t we look on the internet? We can just Google it.”

If Only It Were That Simple

After laughing at how cute, honest and innocent six year olds can be, I couldn’t help but agree with him. Why can’t life be that simple? You cannot even imagine the sense of relief I might have right now if I could simply type into my computer “How to do really great at my job, have my boss and my coworkers all like me, and not screw it up in the process.” And because the whole world knows that Google’s secret algorithm is like a magic spell that brings all correct and relevant information to the top 10 links on my results page, I would simply have to click around and Voila! I would know how to do the rest of my life.

The interesting thing about Google is that I use it for more than answers. I use it as my spell check – that little link asking “Did You mean…?” keeps me from all sorts of wrongs (in fact I just used it for voila, because I almost wrote viola, which is a kind of a violin, thanks Google!) I use it to find dates on the calendar when I can’t find my phone. I use it to help me explain things, like last week when my roommate didn’t know what caprese salad was. Thank you Google Images.  I use it for maps, phone numbers, email…the list goes on. But I am assuming you know all of this because if you’re around my age, your probably just as addicted as I am.

Now the question for me is, how is it that a six year old’s knee jerk reaction to life’s questions is simply to Google it? He grew up with Google ingrained in his worldview as “The answer to all of life’s questions.” At least I was in college or something before Google really came barreling into the market. In some semblance, I did know life before Google. But this kid, he has no clue. In his mind, that’s what we do for all of life’s question, simply run to the computer and look them up.

I suppose his mom doesn’t really have to sit him down and explain life to him. Eventually over time all of the kids who grew up on Google will have to sort the tough stuff out for themselves just like the rest of us. And in the mean time, it seems cruel to say to a six year old, “Honey life is hard, and sometimes there aren’t any good answers. Even Google can’t solve them.“I can tell you this though, I really wish he was right. Life would be a whole lot easier if we could just “Google It.”

It was mostly the little things that proved it. I have a Cicso phone with my name and extension displayed across the top. I have a laptop and two huge flat screen monitors across my desk. I got six meeting notices yesterday (on my first day!), and they had titles like “MarCom Team Brain Storm Shesh” and “PR Update Meeting.” The walls on my cubical are made out of frosted glass and most of the office uses whiteboard marker to doodle, leave each other notes, or brainstorm all over the walls.

Walking out the front door and saying goodnight to the receptionist was such a mind blowing feeling. If I could be this cheesy, it was like I was thinking, “This is real, I’m a creative person, and I have a creative job. I am legit. And I have a Cisco Phone display to prove it.”

Now here is the funny part, quickly on the heels of that realization comes this thought, “Of course you are legitimate Jenni. You always were. And your meeting notices and write-able walls don’t change that.” I mean, I’ve been published before. I’ve even been paid for some of my articles. I’m currently a managing editor on the side for one of my favorite Orange County volunteer story platforms. And those were all things that I did while sitting at my bar, typing into my computer while in my pajamas and drinking coffee.

So why is it that having a card with my name on it feels so rewarding? Oh right, probably the part where I have get a paycheck, and it comes every single week. And maybe it’s the part where I have to get up work in something other than workout pants. That probably helps too.

Now, if I was going to be “that Christian Writer, “this is the part where I make some connection to us being legitimate in Jesus. You know, where I take my experience and connect it to the idea that we don’t always realize who we already were. That we think we need a certain things to define us. That we look  for jobs, or boyfriends, or cars, or bank accounts to remind us of who we are. But in reality, we already were completely legitimate and affirmed, even when we didn’t have any of those things and just sat at the bar in our pajamas.

And then I would challenge you to think of the things in your life that you hold closely, to tell you who you are. To whisper that you are real, and that you are important. I would ask you what your meeting notices say, and how they make you feel.

I would do those things if I was trying to be cheesy, and draw God into this example. But, I’m I think my readers already know that they’re legitimate, and incorporating into this post would feel forced. So, I won’t remind you that your identity is found in Christ. That you are beautiful, accepted, acknowledged, received, recognized, suitable, relevant, invaluable, noble and pleasing.

See this is why I love my readers, because I don’t have to remind them, they already know.

Most of us view God like He’s our personal drill sergeant. Now, initially you might think that sounds a bit too harsh or not quite right, but how often do you hear your friends or yourself saying things like, “God please just tell me where I should go, what is your will in this situation? I’ll follow you wherever you lead me.”

Sounds like a good christian prayer right?  I’ve heard people say things like this more times than I can count. But when you think about what is really being asked we are saying, “God just give me orders, and I will do exactly what you say.“  I.E., we want to be passive participants in our lives, (”Jesus take the wheel”  …thank you Carrie Underwood) and let God do the ordering and thinking. I can’t help but think that methodology is bit off. Or if it was the right approach, I would understand why so many people think religion is a crutch.

But what if God is more like what the bible depicts, what if he is a Father? What if it played out a bit more like this, “Hey Dad, I thinking about going to college to majoring in film and trying to make it in the movie industry. What are your thoughts? Do you think that’s my strength, or should I try something else?‘”

How many of us got to college and called our dads and asked, “Hey dad, should I go to class today? I just want to do what you think I should, so please tell me what to do today.“

Could it be that if God is more like a father, that it makes sense that he gives us choices? So instead of simply saying, “You will go to this college, take these courses, major in this study and become this professional…” I’m beginning to believe that I’m a bit more involved. Maybe God has given us all kinds of strengths and as long as we say within those, we’re in his will.

So, maybe for someone that means they could be a teacher, or a lawyer, or an architect because all of those professions use part of that person’s strengths. And maybe God didn’t whisper in that person’s ear which one to choose.

The notion that I’m an active, responsible participant in my life turns that “lead me I will follow” methodology on it’s head.  Suddenly life is much more exciting, and yes most definitely a whole new level of scary. Making choices, telling God what I want, going after dreams and not expecting God to miraculously land it on my door with a heavenly bow…that’s a life that is bigger, riskier, and more adventurous than God simply bumper bowling me through the choices. And frankly it sounds more like a life crafted by a God I want to spend time with.

As some of you know, I’m coming up on the midst of some really cool life changes. I have options, which are really fun and make me feel like I’m wearing my big-girl pants. But they’re very different. I almost feel like it’s a Choose Your Own Adventure novel. Or, like I told my own dad, “Dad, I feel like God has taken me down the toy aisle and said, ‘You can have roller skates, barbie dolls or a bike, it’s your choice.”

Uhh. Those are all really killer toys. And they are all very different. And all of them end well. Unless, I ask for the barbies and in the midst of playing wedding with Ken, her head pops off…that could be not so fun.

Part of me really hates that God doesn’t lean down and tell me, “Go with the bike. You can go off really cool jumps with it, and it’s the most fun toy out there.” Instead He is standing back and letting me choose. And if I’m being honest, there’s a part in my stomach that feels like I’m about to throw up. This is an instance where I wish Carrie was right, and I could simply say, “Jesus take the wheel!” But I know it doesn’t work like that.

So what do I do? What do we do when we’re faced with big choices, and there is no God to write the answers on the wall? I’m not quite sure, but if you do, I’d like it if you could tell me please.

Look no further my friends, because today in the voice of my dear blogging friend, Jon Acuff of Stuff Christians Like, I have devised a way for you to tell if you are a Christian Hipster or not.

You Might Be a Christian Hipster If:

1. Your church resembles a cross between Ikea and  Urban Outfitters (2 pts). Raw beams are hanging around, it feels like a loft with all of the exposed building interiors, and there are trendy wicker chairs in the lobby.
2. You don’t even meet in a church. Instead you gather with your cool friends in a coffee house (2 pts), a bar (3 pts), or better yet, a night club (4pts).
3. Your worship pastor has highlights (2pts).
4. You don’t “fellowship with other believers,”  instead you get together with your friends for breakfast at kitschy breakfast nooks (2 pts). Add 1pt if your breakfast place of choice has eclectic art all over the walls.
5. Your bible study meets in an organic fair trade coffee house (2pts).
6. You don’t like “Christian Music”, but instead you like “Christians who make music” (2pts)
7. You own a pair of Tom’s shoes (2pts). Add 1pt for each additional pair.
8. You own the entire collection of Don Miller’s Books (2 pts). Add 5 pts if you went to his book tour and got a signed copy of Blue Like Jazz.
9. You use any of the following phrases several times a day: “Awakened,” “walking around alive,” “in remembrance,” “seeing the burning bushes in my life.” 2 pts for every time you use them.
10. You listen to hymns sung by Christians who make music, but won’t listen to hymns sung by Christian Bands (2 pts for each hymn you have).
11. You have a “Through the Bible in a Year” app on your iPhone (5 pts).
12. Your bible is covered in duct tape (2 pts).
13. If you live in California, you graduated from any of the following colleges: Biola University, Concordia University, Vanguard University, or Azusa Pacific University (2 pts). Add 3 pts if you were a music or film major at any of those schools.
14. When you aren’t wearing your Tom’s Shoes, you are wearing Rainbow sandals. (2 pts for every pair you own).
15. You currently are wearing a bracelet that you got when you were on a mission trip with your church (2 pts). Add 5 pts if it was made or given to you by an orphan.

0 – 15 Points:
You aren’t a hipster at all. In fact, you love fellowshiping with your brothers and sisters in Christ in the foyer over tea and cookies. Do you live in the bible belt by chance?

16 – 30 Points:
Your half a hipster. You like Rainbow sandals and Toms shoes, but you probably meet for bible study at someone’s house just like other normal Christians. Your worship pastor might not be that cool, but you still like him. You do love Don Miller, and you probably have at least 3 friendships bracelets made by orphans from mission trips.

31+ Points:
Put on those original Oakleys and head over to the Koffee Klatch for bible study! You’re too cool for school!

Even still, I think most cool Christians go through a phase where they really love hymns. And I have hesitated writing on it because I think the classic branding of a “Hipster Christian” is if you are wearing dark skinny jeans and telling your friends that God really “touched me to press into him…because you know, I want my soul to pant-eth after him like the deer…”

I don’t wear skinny jeans, and I match my clothes too much to be considered a hipster, so I’ve avoided the topic. But I can’t deny it anymore. I’m sorry if this means you have to re-categorize me in you mind from “real edgy writer” to quintessential  hipster Christians who find deep meaning and beauty in hymns…but I’m joining their team. I’ve had hymns running through my mind for literally 3 weeks on end. Morning, noon and night. I play them on YouTube when I think that no one is watching. Maybe I feel better indulging myself when I think that no one knows that I rock out to music that’s written in New King James-ian speak.

It is Well With My Soul

Ok, as long as we are in confession time, I have to tell you…I’ve loved this song for a long time. A really really long time. You see, a few years ago I’d heard the story with this song. Apparently the man who wrote the song had his entire family tragically killed in a boating accident or something to that effect (it was much more complicated, but did involve a boat and death). One minute he was a happy man, 3 hours later his wife, kids, everything…gone.

In response to the dark night that ensued he wrote these lyrics:

When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll,
Whatever my lot, thou hadst taught me to say,
It is well….It is well….With my Soul

I can tell you right now, that story added some perspective to those words.  But even within the amazing meaning of surrender in the face of adversity, there is another part that has come to be meaningful.

“Thou hadst taught me to say”

Yep. Taught. Meaning that being at peace with your circumstances in life is something to be learned. Continuing to trust God when you are disappointed is something we don’t automatically do. Being in the midst of a dark night and knowing that it is well with your soul is something that comes over years, experiences, heartbreaks and gray hairs.

It doesn’t come right away. It isn’t easy. Or natural.

To me that puts a pictures in my head of God being some sweet and understanding person. Someone who delights in watching us learn and grow, even though its hard and we get it wrong. That he jumps up and down and yells with excitement the same way you would if your kid was learning to ride a two wheeler for the first time. That he smiles and is proud when we say through teary eyes, “Ok God, I’m going to try to be well in my soul. I don’t feel it, but I’m going to give it a shot.”

I suppose it just makes me feel less guilty for thinking that things being “well with my soul” isn’t always a reality. Sometimes it’s not. And yes over time it has gotten easier, but it has been something I guess I’ve learned to do. And I think it makes me feel better that when things go really really wrong, that I actually get angry and mourn. I’m not like this plastic person that can have my life or dreams dashed and then turn and say at bible study, “Praise be to Jesus, He’s in control. He knows what He’s doing and I just don’t understand because His ways are higher than mine.” To me, saying that always had a feeling of synthetic mindlessness that I couldn’t stomach.

So I really like this hymn. It makes me feel human. It makes me feel good about God. I listen to it when no one is watching. Don’t tell anyone, but I have 3 or 4 different versions of it on my ipod. And maybe that makes me a hipster. Someone who loves organic coffee, quirky breakfast nooks, guys who wear plaid shirts, Toms Shoes, and underground indie music.

Now that I’ve given you my confession, what hymns do you listen to behind closed doors? You can comment anonymously if you want to, I know you don’t want to ruin your cool.