I think most cool Christians go through a phase where they really love hymns. You know, the old stuff that they used to sing in churches that had wooden pews. Maybe your church still has wooden pews, but mine has cushy red chairs. There is no wooden shelf in the row ahead to hold a bible and a Hymnal. There is no leader at the front telling us to “turn to page 117” and we can find prayers that were probably written by monks in caves. We assume they’re English because we can understand about half of the words, but the other half we have to guess at, or we can just add -eth to the end to make it fit the vernacular (panteth, shareth, understandeth…see?)

Even still, I think most cool Christians go through a phase where they really love hymns. And I have hesitated writing on it because I think the classic branding of a “Hipster Christian” is if you are wearing dark skinny jeans and telling your friends that God really “touched me to press into him…because you know, I want my soul to pant-eth after him like the deer…”

I don’t wear skinny jeans, and I match my clothes too much to be considered a hipster, so I’ve avoided the topic. But I can’t deny it anymore. I’m sorry if this means you have to re-categorize me in you mind from “real edgy writer” to quintessential  hipster Christians who find deep meaning and beauty in hymns…but I’m joining their team. I’ve had hymns running through my mind for literally 3 weeks on end. Morning, noon and night. I play them on YouTube when I think that no one is watching. Maybe I feel better indulging myself when I think that no one knows that I rock out to music that’s written in New King James-ian speak.

It is Well With My Soul

Ok, as long as we are in confession time, I have to tell you…I’ve loved this song for a long time. A really really long time. You see, a few years ago I’d heard the story with this song. Apparently the man who wrote the song had his entire family tragically killed in a boating accident or something to that effect (it was much more complicated, but did involve a boat and death). One minute he was a happy man, 3 hours later his wife, kids, everything…gone.

In response to the dark night that ensued he wrote these lyrics:

When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll,
Whatever my lot, thou hadst taught me to say,
It is well….It is well….With my Soul

I can tell you right now, that story added some perspective to those words.  But even within the amazing meaning of surrender in the face of adversity, there is another part that has come to be meaningful.

“Thou hadst taught me to say”

Yep. Taught. Meaning that being at peace with your circumstances in life is something to be learned. Continuing to trust God when you are disappointed is something we don’t automatically do. Being in the midst of a dark night and knowing that it is well with your soul is something that comes over years, experiences, heartbreaks and gray hairs.

It doesn’t come right away. It isn’t easy. Or natural.

To me that puts a pictures in my head of God being some sweet and understanding person. Someone who delights in watching us learn and grow, even though its hard and we get it wrong. That he jumps up and down and yells with excitement the same way you would if your kid was learning to ride a two wheeler for the first time. That he smiles and is proud when we say through teary eyes, “Ok God, I’m going to try to be well in my soul. I don’t feel it, but I’m going to give it a shot.”

I suppose it just makes me feel less guilty for thinking that things being “well with my soul” isn’t always a reality. Sometimes it’s not. And yes over time it has gotten easier, but it has been something I guess I’ve learned to do. And I think it makes me feel better that when things go really really wrong, that I actually get angry and mourn. I’m not like this plastic person that can have my life or dreams dashed and then turn and say at bible study, “Praise be to Jesus, He’s in control. He knows what He’s doing and I just don’t understand because His ways are higher than mine.” To me, saying that always had a feeling of synthetic mindlessness that I couldn’t stomach.

So I really like this hymn. It makes me feel human. It makes me feel good about God. I listen to it when no one is watching. Don’t tell anyone, but I have 3 or 4 different versions of it on my ipod. And maybe that makes me a hipster. Someone who loves organic coffee, quirky breakfast nooks, guys who wear plaid shirts, Toms Shoes, and underground indie music.

Now that I’ve given you my confession, what hymns do you listen to behind closed doors? You can comment anonymously if you want to, I know you don’t want to ruin your cool.