Comments on: Sex and Marriage.

By: chicks love black meat

chicks love black meat — Tue, 19 Oct 2010 10:27:51 +0000

Interesting article i totally agree with the other comments. Keep us posting

By: Bill

Bill — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 20:22:40 +0000

Notice there is no reference given for the 3 to 2 ratio discussed in the article. I would be shocked if that were even close to an accurate statistic.

Believe me, both sexes, Christian or not, ask the question “Where are all the ’such and such’ men and women at?” This question is asked because we often want to blame our single status on a false perception of scarcity of the “such and such” variety. This is natural because it shifts the responsibility off of ourselves and onto a faceless quantity. However, this is not terribly productive.

Perhaps it would be more productive to ask ourselves why we are not attracting “such and such” a man or woman. If, for example, I am a single woman trying to attract a “good Christian man,” then I should be aware of the things that are attractive to such a man, and try to possess those qualities.

By: Jenni Brown

Jenni Brown — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 19:33:42 +0000

David, thanks for the support (usually ). As for this post, I am going to go with cherryblossomgirl’s statement: “Good food for thought.”

Like I closed with, I’m not totally behind this 110%. But, I think it’s something worth considering. What I’m really interested in is to see the data that comes back from the research project as posed by Dana. Some hard and fast data on the rate of divorce amongst Christians that get married young would help but this article in context. That would be an interesting “other side of the coin” comparison.

By: cherryblossomgirl

cherryblossomgirl — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 18:33:36 +0000

I think I have read the same article. I really like the way you engaged with it, delving into it and then extrapolating. It is certainly food for thought.
I just want to raise some things that spring to mind immediately after/while reading. The 3 to 2 female/male ratio is interesting. Apparently, the US has a slightly higher population of males to females (http://nationalatlas.gov/articles/people/a_gender.html), and across the world it is assumed to be a Fisherian ratio (105 males to 100 females at birth). So why is it that the ratio in the church is so distorted?
Another thing, regarding the involvement of others in supporting a young marriage. Sure I agree, it’s good to help each other out. In my family, I was able to grow up and be a grown-up knowing my parents would always support me with whatever was needed as much as they could, regardless of the situation. Yet I think it can be a thin line between getting healthy support and relying too much on external support. First and foremost, in a new marriage it should be the couple who’s in it together, figuring stuff out just the two of them. We’re called to leave our parents’ house and cling to each other, not to our external life support. So while it is good to have support, too much can be damaging. Take communication, for instance, learning to speak the truth to each other, honestly and compassionately, about things that may annoy you in your everyday life or the secret worries deep down inside that are so hard to share. It is tough to learn to share everything with your partner, if it’s easier to go to someone else, learning this might become even more difficult.
Another thing, about getting married young. I didn’t meet my fiancé until I was 25. If I had been looking to get married young, I might have missed the love of my life, the man I’m meant to be with. Simply because we weren’t in the same geographical space.
I like what you wrote about committing again every day. It is so true. Times can be tough. I’m not married yet, but believe me, our relationship has survived some things a marriage of years may not necessarily get through. It’s because we knew that this was it, that God wanted us together and that we had committed even before getting married to love each other and follow our path together as God had laid it out for us. And we got through the times when there was so much pain and doubt and fear it seemed to smother the love. Because we were and committed. Not to the feeling, but to the person, to the decision, to our God. You may not always feel the love, but the love is there, and after the dark times it glows even brighter and warmer. (Sorry for getting cheesy!)

By: David

David — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 17:30:18 +0000

Jenni I usually agree with what you write but I don’t think the solution to the sex issue is to get kids married younger. The way the divorce rate is in this country, when I see people getting married really young I can’t help but wonder if they’re rushing into things. And marriage is a lot more than just a means to have sex, obviously.

By: Jenni Brown

Jenni Brown — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 07:05:37 +0000

Angela,

Great thoughts…what do you mean by not willing to look deeper? Look for what?

By: Angela

Angela — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 06:27:37 +0000

…”sex matters, marriage matters more.”

what if there isn’t a culture crisis, a lack of shame, or a generation/economic shift? what if He just has lesson for us…and we are slow in learning them? what if our stories just take longer to tell than our predecessors? His most radical, life changing stories took a long time to tell: Sarah and Abraham, Saul/Paul, Joseph’s clash with his brothers…

i believe we have chosen to focus on something tangible, sex, because we aren’t brave enough or strong enough or willing enough to look deeper…

By: dana

dana — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 20:24:55 +0000

Whew! Just put in my proposal to do an independent study about this very topic. Thanks for bringing it to the foreground and illuminating this angle. As a single girl who is 30 and more than ready for S-E-X, I can’t help but think yes, the Church should be raising up better men (’cuz I want one), but then I think crap, that means me too! I am the Church too. I am responsible too and not exempt from needing “raising up” of my own.

Maybe if churches would take half the time they spend on marriage counseling and enrichment and direct it instead toward coming-of-age for “man” and “woman” type activities, maybe we wouldn’t have to be playing catch up with the counseling and enrichment later…

Youth pastors out there: whaddya think? Instead of being so anti-dating, anti-making out, anti-everything, we have unique times to celebrate being male and female, separately of course and then fun activities together that teach them how to date or *gasp* court (I can’t believe I used a word Joshua Harris tainted). If the church doesn’t teach them, the world will and is anyway. I don’t know what it would look like, but I think it would be cool to involve older men and women from the congregation with mentoring, etc.

If it takes a village to raise a kid, why can’t it take a church to raise up a relationship? Americans are so independent and isolated and proud.

It can easily get a little too cozy, like hey, there’s too many cooks in the kitchen, but if the Church can find a way to do it well, I think it could be amazing.

p.s. sorry for rambling. i’m thinking out loud.