Let me bring you into a little event that happened at my church a few weeks back. I go to a fairly large church, so there are a few hundred people at each service. It was several weeks before Easter, and at the end of the message, a “Call to Action” was appropriate. Essentially, it was your typical altar call. The pastor was saying, “Now is the time, if you know that there is a call on your heart…bla bla bla.” The lights were dark. The music was pensive and emotional. They asked everyone to bow their heads and close their eyes. And then comes the part that I hate. They asked people to stand up if they wanted to receive Jesus in their hearts.

One guy, way in the back, rose to his feet. Everyone peeked through the dark to see if anyone was standing. The man was in his mid fifties or so, and from the looks of it (it was dark mind you) he seemed to be a person who normally isn’t in a church. The pastor stalled the music a bit longer. He kept talking, coaxing others to join and stand up. More music. More tension. Music. Tension.

Finally, the pastor begins talking to the one man who is standing. He asks everyone to give a round of applause for this guy who has decided to give his life to Jesus. The room erupts with cheering, shouting, whistling and applause. I almost lost my lunch.

I have not and cannot explain what rises up inside of me every time I think of this moment – but I get incredibly ANGRY. I can’t help but feel like we are a bunch of those pyramid-scheming-network-marketing people trying to con our friends into buying into this religion business. And when someone wants to pray the prayer, we are supposed to get super excited and clap – saying, “Yeah man, we got one.”

Immediately after admitting that I think this way, I feel incredibly guilty. The reality is that if this man is having a life changing experience (which could totally be the legitimate case), who am I to be angry about it? Shouldn’t I be celebrating the fact that his life is about to change? And even if I wasn’t a church-going-person, shouldn’t I at least be happy that he has decided to commit to a good cause? I should be commending his efforts to live a “nicer” life.

Do We Have to Be Weird?

I am thinking the anger happens because of a disconnection between the scene in church I’d described, and how God plays out for me in my own life. Instead of seeing an accurate picture, I am reminded of a few groups that I’d rather not be associated with.

  Have you ever been talking to someone who believes in a conspiracy theory? Or someone who believes in Aliens? Or someone who believes that we should be living on the Akan 40 Day Calendar to alter our states of consciousness and become more pure beings of energy? Yeah, after talking with them for about five minutes, they lose you. Once they really get into the pithy parts of their beliefs, they start using really impacted words. Words that have HUGE meaning all tucked inside of them, to the point where it is hard to follow even a sentence. It almost seems as if they are speaking of another language. And most of the time, they toss it out there like it is “normal people” language.  “Oh you know, when the aliens return to reclaim the rightful remnants for the 4th universe.” Right, of course, I was just thinking that.

And you might nod your head, but inside you are thinking two things: 1) What the hell are they talking about? 2) They don’t really believe this sh** do they?

On a smaller scale, listening to the way that Christians talk sometimes reminds me of this. I mean, think about the way we talk about God – “I’m really just experiencing the fullness of God right now.” or “God has given me the peace that surpasses all understanding, and I know that He will provide.” or “I am really praying for all of those prodigal sons and daughters out there, that they can just be covered God’s grace, and experience the Blood of the Lamb.”

REALLY GUYS? What the hell does any of that mean?

Since when did having a relationship with God mean that you have to talk like you are from another planet? Can’t we just be real people first? Talk like our friends in regular words? Not speak with a voacbulary that makes sense only you grew up inside of the church (or if you had a “Christian-ese Translational Dictionary”)?

I know there are verses in the bible that talk about being different, being “a city on a hill,” and letting your light shine and all of that – but I don’t know if Jesus meant that you were supposed to form a club that made outsiders want to reach for the tin foil hats – in fear that we don’t start trying to read their thoughts.

Ok, I am having a little fun with this. We aren’t that bad. But there are moments where I start thinking this way – usually when I have friends that don’t normally go to church attend a service. I begin to pick up on all of the little cultural nuances that normally I don’t notice. Maybe it’s seeing it through the eyes of a newcomer that make me question parts of our protocol. Yes, the ribbon dancer in the back of the service is weird. Yes, a person screaming “JESUS!!” at the topic of their lungs in the middle of worship is a bit odd. Yes, the worship leader singing random spiritual words doesn’t make sense. And I am not saying that any one of these things is bad, or that they shouldn’t happen – I just don’t always understand the purpose of them. I think that we do them mostly because it’s just what we have always done.

Jesus Salesmen

It makes me mad because I don’t like feeling like I have to sell Jesus. Like he is a product and we have created a culture around this product. We are trying to get others to buy into our product, and our culture. “See, Jesus is cool. Be like us. Listen to the bad music on the Fish Radio, carry your bible around, and begin talking about the Spirit of Christ like he is real person standing next to you.”  It seems that the more people we can convince to do this, the better Christians we are.

It makes me mad because I’m afraid we lose God in all of that. Or maybe not so much lose Him, because it’s not like we forget  him while we listen to Michael W. Smith or Zoey Girl or SuperChick (yes, I had to go looking for some of those band names, I didn’t know them off the top of my head) – but maybe God is bigger than bad radio. Bigger than inclusive language and eloquent prayers before eating in a restaurant (which good way to show the people at the table next to you that you are believers!)

God Likes Beer, Rap Music and Cusses. Right?

What I am getting at this this – In my mind, God likes beer. Yep, likes a really good beer. And rap music, even the kind with cussing. And God likes art, especially when it includes naked ladies. God likes cooking, and listening to great Indie Artists while dancing in the kitchen over a good pot of Jambalaya. And God likes Dance – even the kind of dancing that some church ladies call provocative. And God likes nightclubs – the kind that are thick and smoky with parties that go on until 2am. And God is really jazzed on science – even the kind that is devoted to proving He doesn’t exist. And God likes literature – even books too racy to be in schools, or the books that are angry at Him, or the ones that don’t belong in the religious section of Barnes and Noble.  God might have a Facebook. God might Twitter. God has emotions – He gets stoked on things, and gets upset with things. I think He get’s angry sometimes. God cusses sometimes. He gets mad and lets a really good one fly.

I like this God better. A God who likes beer is a God who I want to be around. And not only because I like beer, but because after spending most of my life chasing after this deity that we call God, I feel like I know him in the same way that you’d know a really old friend. And my really old friend is big enough to handle a little beer, a little Facebook, and a little honesty.  Maybe this is just me projecting who I want God to be – but in my soul, I know that God is more real than a Sales Manager that wants to improve my monthly quota.

I’m not trying to make God less than he should be, or to be disrespectful in anyway – I just get angry when we have to make God this lifestyle thing – all complicated and surrounded by weird unattractive culture, and then try to convince people that we are right.

Can’t God just be normal? Can’t God be a cool guy who likes Taco Tuesday and Negro Modelos? Can’t God just be plain? Someone who meets you where you are at – and doesn’t care if you cuss? Does he have to make you carry around a bible and convert the guys who change your oil? Because I think my Midas Man is fine. I’ll tell him whatever he wants to know about God and who He is to me, but I don’t know that telling him about the Transcendence of the Spirit is really going to make sense to Midas Man. If anything, I think it would push him the other way.

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m disrespectful. Maybe God hates rap, and I’m about to get chastised for trying to think otherwise. Maybe there is this “Holy Buffer” the separates the goodness of God from the bad crap in the world – and it gets me all uncomfortable. Maybe the ribbon dancer in the back of the church is right – I should just grow my hair long, get elastic pants like her and praise God by waving a flag to acoustic worship music. Maybe the culture is right on. I could be angry for all of the wrong reasons. I would just love it if I didn’t have to sell Jesus. Is that ok?

Anyway, I don’t know if this a question that can be solved in one blog post. So, I will have to pray about it. And maybe we can all talk a little bit about it.

But with that, brothers and sisters in Christ, I hope that the eternity past to the eternity future of glory with Jesus resides with you throughout the rest of your day. Thanks for reading with me, and stay in His Grip.

Blessings.