What is that sound? It’s the sound of a maternal clock coming to life.

[Insert shocking gasps and horror screams here].

I had a great conversation with a few of my girlfriends over breakfast Saturday morning (Is anyone beginning to notice that most of my amazing conversations seem to take place over breakfast?) I have to admit, a significant portion of my thoughts come from these gals – they never cease to increase the flow of blog materials.

In the midst of a conversation about Easter eggs and white-picket fences, we got to talking about family: getting married, when we wanted to get married, if we were ready, if we wanted to be moms, if we were ready to be settled little families, or if we still wanted to be single and romping around. 

 It was interesting to note that of the five or so women in the room, most of us really wanted a family – and sooner rather than later. However, it took a little bit of conversation before any of us just came out and said “Yes! I can’t wait to get married and have my own family.”  It was almost like admitting that you like Brittany Spears – a guilty little thought in the back of your mind that you wouldn’t admit unless you knew you were in like-company.

Listening to my girlfriends chat, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Why is it that admitting that you want to be a stay at home mom is like admitting that you want to have scabies?” It seemed that we were almost sheepish about it, like it wasn’t noble enough for the world and needed to apologize for wanting to take an “easier option” than finding a career.

 ”No thank you price charming, I don’t want to be SuperWoman working 50 hours a week, weighing in at 110 pounds and looking like a beauty queen. That’s just too much work. Instead I want to stay home and eat ice cream all day. Is that ok?”

Baby Talk.

For me, when I am honest, I know moms are those amazing, unexplainable creatures are needed more than we admit to, and appreciated less they should be.  They fix everything, they find everything, they kiss things and make things better, they create homes and meals, they foster love and give life. So why is it again that we feel like we have to want a career on top of all of that?  Is it enough for me to say “Being just a mom is fine”? Or do I need to be Mom and have a career? It’s an awkward topic for me to even think about, much less admit. For most of my life I have wanted to be a career woman. My future family plan looked something like this: 

1) Secure great job. Preferably as an executive. Or at least at a high enough level where I get to tell people when I am coming in instead of the other way around.
2) Get married.
3)Travel around the world and play with hot hubby (Yes, being hot was in the plans).
4) Get knocked up.
5) Take 6 weeks to play mommy.
6) Hire nanny to come and rock Jr. to sleep while I go back to running my company.

 I have always felt like that is what women are suppose to want- we want everything. Women are supposed to be amazing and run the office and the home – hell we could probably be president while raising a family.

I know I’m going to be a kick ass wife. And probably a kick ass mom. But still, I’m not sure I’m even allowed to admit that. Or worse, I’m not sure I’m allowed to tell guys that. Hotter, Nerdy, Blonder guy and I are still talking [blushes upon typing it], and I’m not sure if that would send him to the hills if he knew that I’m thinking about being excited for those things. Or any guy for that matter. Guys, if you met a girl at a party and asked her what she did for a living and she said “I’m in marketing, but I really just can’t wait to be a wife and mom!” wouldn’t that freak you out?

In my mind, I’m afraid that we come across like we are faking our careers so that we don’t send out the message that we are ticking. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not desperate, I’m not faking, and I’m not ready to get married or pop out a kid right NOW – but this is honestly the first time I’ve really thought about kids and family at all. Before now I have been actively opposed to the idea and very busy running around the world.

In fact, at one point when I was living in New Zealand, a professor had said to me, “You are at the perfect age to start looking to get married.” I quite literally laughed and said back, “Haha, YEAH RIGHT.”

In light of that memory, it does feel a bit crazy to be open to start thinking about it. [yep, palms getting sweaty just typing about it].

Were Our Moms Just Lucky?

I think the Feminist movement definitely changed some things for us girls. They raised the bar. It allowed us to have much more opportunities and tasks to choose from. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying this is a bad thing – it’s just suddenly made the mommy question a little bit more complicated.  

Were our moms just lucky that they could just be moms and didn’t have to grapple with the “fulfilling career” piece? Or are we lucky that we get to choose to have one, the other, or both if we want? Does it make a difference to good quality men if we want to stay home or not? Does it make you a little bit desperate to realize that yes,  I might want to get married? And yes, I might really love having kids?

Am I ticking?

 I don’t know the answers to half of those questions. But I do know, that I might go looking for bubble wrap tomorrow morning. Or maybe some sort of packing material. I might want to be prepared. If I start ticking, I might try to wrap myself up and silence the sound, because I’m not sure I’m ready for everyone to know it.