You might wonder how any of these items could make their way into one coherent thought, much less blog. Well readers, I promise I’m going somewhere. And I think we might have a video debut on Cherry Blossom Thoughts!…Well, no one is debuting their video, I’m debuting the use of the video feature. Riveting, I know. So hold onto your seats.

In the 1980s (84 to be exact), Cindy Lauper rocked the world with her song, Time After Time. You might remember the video of her and her multi-colored, half shaven hair agonizing over her boyfriend. Let’s be honest, I was only a year old when the video come out, so I had to youtube it.

Then, in 1998, Matchbox 20 did an awesome cover of Cindy’s song. From concert in Australia we now how this beautiful recording of a 1990s sound on our 80s hit. Personally, Matchbox 20 resonates more with me than Cindy Lauper does, but mainly because I listened to them a lot in high school. Hello, your age is showing.

Please take a moment to listen to the video. Really, go ahead, press play. You’re allowed to keep reading while the song is playing, it will enhance your experience.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UuxCOjoFp7Y]

So, now that you are rocking out and reading, here is the back story:  A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with one of my contacts regarding my ideal job. Big dreaming, here’s is what I would do if I could write the job description. I told her that I want to write. I’m a communicator – a storyteller, a public speaker, a planner, visual/photographic person. “I’m just great at communicating,” I tell her, “And that can look like a thousand things, but as long as I am working out of that strength, I would be really excited.”

 Two weeks later, I get an excited call from her. I can hear the smile through the phone. A Communications Coordinator position just became available. In her company. The hiring manager wants writing samples.

“Hi, this is your purpose in life calling. We’d like to see you for an Interview.”

Now I can’t stop thinking, “What happens if they give my purpose in life to someone else? Or what if I’m not qualified for my calling? I think that  would be THE most depressing thing that has ever happened.”

Now that we have job situation and fears thoroughly explained, please enter snake and stone, as promised in the title.  As you can imagine, I am practically having an out of body experience in trying to prepare for this interview. On Friday, driving in my car, I start praying. For those of you who might not know, I pray often. Rather, I pray mostly through the day. I think it’s because I’m an anxious control freak. Talking to myself doesn’t make me feel better. Talking to God however, seems to put me at ease a little bit.

I’m praying.  Historically, I’m brutally honest with God. You might know that from reading some of my “I’m Angry At God” blogs. So I say, “God, I’m afraid to ask for this job. I don’t even want to utter the words. Because if I do, and I don’t get it, I think I might not get out of bed for a week. Maybe two.“

Here’s what I hear: “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him.” (Matthew 7: 9-11)

Ok. Initiate tears.

In my 25 years, I have been all around the world, and have had amazing adventures and stories. It seems though, that the common theme with me and God is God simply saying “Trust me, trust me, trust me.” And me saying, “Maybe, I don’t know, no thank you.” When I finally get around to saying, “oooook…” usually my life takes radical exiting turns. Maybe not always in the way that I initially wanted, but it’s been one hell of a ride. And through it all, God has never let me down. The words that come to me over and over again are “Jenni, I will never leave you or forsake you.” Just like that. And I have seen God be faithful a thousand times over.

Why is it then, that I still turn around and say, “I’m afraid to ask for this, because I don’t know if you are going to come through for me?” It almost makes me feel ashamed. It’s like through all of the years, God has racked no credit with me.

Maybe you don’t believe the whole God thing. Whether there is a God or not, the principal issue is the same. You have parts of you that you don’t think anyone can be trusted with. It’s HARD to let others in. Maybe you’ve been married for 15 years, but deep down you don’t trust that your husband can do things “right” (ie – the way you think they should be done). You have friends that have known you inside and out, and you still feel vulnerable to tell them new parts about your soul. You are really great at having relationships, but if you were honest, you don’t fully trust.

Trust is hard.

I don’t have a great epiphany on how to be better at it. I don’t know if it’s something that we should be better at. I can tell you that this morning, I was folding laundry in my closet, and my ipod on random starts playing Matchbox 20.

Sometimes you picture me–
I’m walking too far ahead
You’re calling to me, I can’t hear
what you’ve said–
Then you say–go slow–
I fall behind–
the second hand unwinds

If you’re lost you can look–and you will find me
time after time
If you fall I will catch you–I’ll be waiting
time after time

Again, simple reminders from God that He is waiting to catch me – whether I get this job or not. Reminders that after years, I’m still no good at trusting. Reminders that God knows that I’m not good at trusting, and breaks in to reminds me a thousand times over that He is going to be there for me. Time after time. 

The interview is Monday at 12:30. I’ve been recruiting everyone I can get my hands on to pray for me. If you don’t pray, maybe consider introducing yourself to God, because I need a miracle here. And if you’re really opposed, at 12:30 maybe you can just send me some good ju-ju. Or if you believe in Oprah, use that “The Secret” stuff, or whatever it is. Send me your Secret Postive Oprah thoughts.

Keep you posted.