On another side note, you are a Godly girl who is at that same bar to have fun with your girlfriends so who knows why that guy is there… perhaps the same thing (only guy friends).

Oh, and I still love your writing…

Being a prig, terrified of any interaction unsanctioned by the clergy, is not healthy nor Godly, but seeking out emotional or egotistical gratification without the responsibility of considering your effect on the other person, can be destructive.

What are you getting out of dating? Searching out the thrill of being desired or having power over the opposite sex can become an addiction that will undermine a real relationship or marriage later on in life.

Can “a fun date with a casual friend” be interoperated as “a thrilling ego boost with a person that I have power over and whose welfare I don’t have to care about?”

If fun and dating are innocent, then there will be no need to justify. It is a question how you feel about your own actions and motivations.

By far the happiest I ever was, prior to now, was with a non Christian who respected my beliefs. I will always pray they come to Christ. We would have married if the timing was right. Peace to you all.

Live the life God gave you with every breath you have, God gave you the situation, you have the choice!

“At the end of the day, we are all in the same boat. I think the best thing that we can do is help each other paddle.”

Awesomely spoken words from a wise woman that has been on both sides of this conversation.

As in K’s example they are perfectly fine with being physically intimate without any emotional/spiritual investment. Secular society tells men and women that it is perfectly fine to have this kind of relationship. It is a culturally excepted “norm”. In the end it’s not the way were were created. It’s not what God intended for us.

It’s great to have “fun” when dating. Dating isn’t always fun, but ideally should involve the enjoyment of getting to know someone. The problem arises when your fundamental beliefs aren’t the same. As much fun as you can have with someone who doesn’t share your faith, where can it go?

I think meeting someone in a bar is perfectly fine. I think spending time getting to know someone even if it is for a month or more (I have done this one and yes, it is hard to be patient) is fine too. I believe that as women, we do need to encourage Christian men to ask us out without expecting an intense beginning stage. In other words, relieve the pressure!! Being friends with someone before dating has produced the best relationship I have ever had. I highly recommend it! Love can happen in many places. I think the important thing is to be sure that ultimately you are on the same page spiritually if you are going to date.

I think that there are plenty of complaints from both men and women in the Christian dating scenario. Dating isn’t easy for men, they are expected to pursue us and are often rejected as a result. Dating isn’t easy for women, they want to be pursued but find it frustrating that they have to rely on men asking them out if they are interested. At the end of the day, we are all in the same boat. I think the best thing we can do is help each other paddle.

Way to go JZ. You can always nail the words right at the delicate balance that I am looking for.

Thanks for the support

I don’t think that Christian guys are pansies. And I don’t think that I want someone whose only interested in getting into my pants. But, considering the situation as it played out, it did make for an interesting case.

And in general most of the responses from Christian men have been “Yes, at times we can be too hesitant”

Maybe in this example, it just seemed that Non Christian men were more willing to take the greater risk (be it for the sexual aspect or for the girl), as opposed to a situation where the guy wanted to be more “sure” that she would say yes.

Please don’t misunderstand….No foul play was intended I assure you.

Ouch “I”. Somewhere out there your future husband is fighting through sexual temptations and a perpetual case of blue balls, all based on faith and a desire to create the best possible relationship with you. Yes, he’s gonna be more cautious and deliberate in pursuing you than a secular guy with the sex motivator, but you call him pansy? Tisk tisk.

I have been hashing out this exact issue in my own life recently. And I realize that some people can date for fun and some people need certainty. As much as I wish I was the former, I am most definitely the latter. Getting to know someone and investing is exhausting, and why do it if it’s all for nothing? (We assume if he doen’t love Jesus, it IS all for nothing.) I need the certainty of a good thing. That said, why are Christian men pansies? It is certainly irritating. I, like you, am probably just another hypocrite- I claim to just want to have fun, but deep down I want what everybody wants: loving commitment. It’s hard to keep the two separate as we navigate the torrid waters of the dating game. It’s hard to refrain from being the girl demanding commitment that the Christian men are afraid of just as it is hard to refrain from being a sell out date in a bar. Do I know the happy medium? No. Do I wish some Christian guy would grow a pair and ask me out? Yes. But hey, at least in the meantime, beautiful girls like you and I get to bond over our lamentations and have some awesome conversations in the process