Unbeknownst to me, I found a nerve. To be a bit honest, it has been slightly difficult to decide how to respond. I suppose part of being a writer is asking good questions. However, at the same time, there is a person under this writers jacket – she has the tendency to be a peacemaker. I want everyone to agree, and it’s been uncomfortable to think about leaving thoughts unsettled.

All that to say, I do appreciate your feedback. Actually, I would argue that at some level – I need it. It’s important to me that what I write resonates with people – and I thank those of you who have jumped into this conversation.

Jesus and Cocktails.

One of the major comments that I received from both men and women alike when responding to the ideas of meeting guys in bars is simply this: “Can’t great guys go to bars too?” As so aptly commented by Megan, most of us hang out in bars at some point or another, whether it is once in a while or every weekend. It would seem logical then to realize that going into a bar doesn’t transform a person into something evil. And sure, nice girls and boys are still nice when they are sitting on a bar stool.

In fact, I love going out. I wouldn’t say that I have a party lifestyle these days, but I couldn’t imagine being with someone who had a problem going to clubs, or didn’t drink at all. A perk might be that they could be my designated driver all the time – so that might not be half bad; except for the part where you are always the one making an ass out of yourself – I at least like taking turns being the drunken retard.

For the Christian daters out there, I suppose we can meet people in bars because I would hope that there are bars have Christians in them. In theory. However it is in the execution that things get a bit messy. It is a bit awkward to ask, “So do you go to church?” in the first 5 minutes of meeting someone. Granted we all have values that are important to us, but deciding to rule someone out based on this can feel like walking a tightrope. Rule them out too soon and you are paralyzed by your pre-judgement – wait too late and you can face emotional pain by trying to sever a connection due to your intellectual dissonance. 

This can be true of a lot of things beyond where you spend Sunday morning: if you want kids or not, if you drink  or not, if you are a Republican or a Democrat…none of these are things you want to ask someone within 5 minutes of meeting, yet they are imperative to moving forward. Tricky business.

Hotter, Nerdier, and Blonder – the Story Continues.

So, as promised, I did call Hot Nerdy Blond. In fact, I called him last Sunday on the way to an Engagement Party for two of my friends. Now, you might understand why this subject has become so much more complicated, because as irony would have it, I met someone at this party (yes, the traditional Christian way to meet people – at a party with your friends, how ironic).

Now the fun part is, this guy is Hotter, Nerdier, and Blonder than Club Guy. I had met him before, and this time when we were talking, the connection was obvious. I won’t go into too much detail regarding my new heart throb out of consideration and privacy (Surprise, I don’t put EVERYTHING in my life on the Internet). But I will say this, he’s gotten the thumbs up from a few of my buddies, and has a killer laugh that makes me weak in the knees. Ooh-la-la.

I have gotten a call back from Club Guy. But at this point we run into the same questions that we were debating before: “Is it nice to go on a date with a guy when you know that it won’t go anywhere?” It might be true as I professed before, it is just dinner….but the thing is, in light of someone that I know is legit, I don’t know if I want dinner with someone that I met in a bar.

Jenni-the-Writer might feel obligated to give Club Guy one shot, just for the sake of consistency with my writing and commitment to what I say over the Internet. But Jenni-the-Person has a hard time using guys as social experiment. That’s not very nice now is it? 

We Hate Dating.

I think it’s fair to conclude that we don’t love dating. We don’t always hate it, but it can be murky waters out there, and it’s easy to get lost. In fact, talking to one of my girlfriend’s who lives in Seattle, she often calls me and starts our conversations with “Jenni, I hate dating.”

Duh. We all do. As I have often said, dating is a bitch. But we aren’t really given too much of a choice. We all have to decide to play, to give guys the flirty eye, to debate about giving out your phone number, to not call back when he calls you. Maybe we secretly envy our married friends because they have their person already, and don’t have to feel naked as the stand there talking to a new guy, hoping he likes you back.

But here we are, trying to figure it all out. And as I say to my Seattle friend, “Just keep dating! Be content in where you are at, even if it is uncomfortable. And when in doubt, give him your number anyway.”