Today I’m in a funk.

 There’s a lot going on below the surface. In fact, I don’t think I slept much last night. I woke up periodically throughout the night thinking about the job, ex boyfriends, new guys, moving, writing, not writing, money, sleeping, and not sleeping.

I was hoping that yoga and breakfast with Andy this morning would relax me and pull me out of my head, but I think it only made it worse. I’m sitting on my bed, reading old blogs and listening to Jason Mraz.  I’ve decided today is a calm storm. Or maybe, it feels like when you are watching a movie, at an intense action scene – like a bomb blowing up. Sometimes they can slow the frames to the point where you watch all of the fragments explode in detrimental beauty. It’s a really good scene if there is some killer background track to go along with the visual.

That’s how I feel today. My life is in flux. There are things quietly raging in my mind that I can’t turn off. It’s like emotional shrapnel spraying in all directions. Majestic and slow like splatter paint.  It makes me realize, whether you are a juju person, a karma person, a “Secret” person, or a prayer person….we are out of control. Call it God, or the universe, or fate, or human will…sometimes the world goes crazy in the space between our ears and there’s not much that we can do to fix it, or to reconcile the dissonance.

At some point in my life, I had been dating someone who was really good at getting me out of my head. He could shake me up, and pull me off the melancholy fly strip. I don’t get stuck there often, but it does happen. In lieu of having someone around that knows me that way, I’m wondering what it would sound like to just sit here for a bit.

Often times, melancholy is an inclusive experience – maybe that’s just me being a creative. But it’s a feeling, and words, and music – all going on at the same time. Today, that looks and sounds like Jason Mraz. Sometimes it’s Jack Johnson or John Mayer that seem to fit the bill. But it’s is always something slow, upbeat, melancholy, but not depressing. Something that reminds me that even if the emotions spray though my brains like bullets, it can be beautiful.

  Jason, Jack, John and me. Having a splatter-paint-fest in the space between my ears.

And in case you’re wondering what melancholy sounds like…it sounds like this:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocEOA1sAFvY]