Over the past few days, at various Christmas parties and get togethers, I have had lots of people asking me, “So Jenni, how are you doing?”

This is a very akward question to answer at this point. I’ve been without a job for about 6 weeks now, and I’ve about a month out of a relationship. Its Christmas, and everyday I am strategically planning my days to ensure that I avoid the big “D”.

Depression.

My mother keeps insisting that I call my doctor and ask to be put on medication. She says , “It will be easier to overcome these challenges and function efficiently if you feel better!” Which I can’t help at laugh at.

“Mom, I don’t need Prozac. I need my life to quit sucking.”

I really don’t have trouble with anger or frustration when I have an income and a busy schedule…its kinda funny how that works out. But ok mom, thanks for the suggestion.

Last week I was sent to a “Marking Seminar” on how to network and get your message out that I am looking for a job. It actually was really great, and had a lot of very useful information. Not to mention that it helps with moral to feel like you have somewhere to go when you wake up in the morning.

One of the things that the instructor had mentioned was the idea of making lemonade. We all know the famous, and mainly overused statement,

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.

Here’s a little secret: making lemonade blows. No one likes to do it. In fact, I could argue that it is just plain awful. But here’s another little secret: you don’t have any other option.

Short of crawling in to your closet and ceasing to exists, you have to grab a some sugar, a knife, your lemons,  and start cutting. There may be moments where you would rather grab the knife and slice your wrists – but honestly, no one likes bloody lemonade.

So, now that we are about at the month marker of my officially being shitty, let me tell you about some of lemonade moments that I have encountered.

1) My girlfriend Roxie had a baby in the beginning of November. Taylor Evangeline is the most precious and amazing event that I have encountered in my entire life. Not having a job has meant that I have been able to have a front row seat into the miracle of childbirth, babies, and new motherhood. Its indescribable.

2) As most of you know, I’m a writer. (haha, duh). Not having a job has helped me to take a moment to seriously consider the possibility of changing careers. We all know that I wasn’t a very good admin (no kidding, I got canned!!) and now I have been exploring the idea of publishing, marketing, design layout…its amazing. I actually signed up to take a class at Saddleback College in magazine journalism starting next month. Now if I couldn’t only figure out a way to get paid to do all of this….

3) If you haven’t met my grandma, you are missing out on the world’s coolest person. She is amazing, and brave and courageous, and I have been taking her to acupuncture appointments two times a week. Which to her is THE most loving thing a person can do. She wrote me this card that said in Spanish “thank you for giving me the precious gift of your time.”…what she doesn’t know is that I’m actually getting the better end of the deal!

4) Language development. I have long since wanted to be fluent in Spanish. Hanging out with G-ma means that lately my Spanish has been kick ass.

5) Making new friends. Part of having more time means that I have been trying to meet people like crazy. Do you have friends that I can meet? Great! Cause I want to know them! I realize how easy it is to become comfortable with those who know us well, and never stop to see if there are other neat people we can know. Its been exhilarating and fresh to meet all kinds of great new people.

6) Old friends. Nothing is better than telling an old friend “I’m still just feeling really lonely.” And then having her plan a party/get together for that weekend. I really do have some of the most caring and loving people in my life, and it has been a blessing to struggle in their presence.

7) Then there are all of the little joys: finding out that I can make free business cards, going to the 5.10 outlet for new climbing shoes in the middle of the week, writing tons, searching the Internet for great Christmas Eve Dinner recipes…the list goes on forever.

In the end, making lemonade is uncomfortable. Having things go wrong is uncomfortable. Having to tell people that you feel awful is uncomfortable.  But the older I get, the more that I am learning that a big portion of life is dealing with hardship. Problems that aren’t your fault, and injustices that happen to befall on your plate. We don’t get to change or control the fact that life REALLY sucks sometimes.

The only thing we control is us; our responses to the tragedies and injustice. And for me, there are two things that I need: to maintain hope, and the ability to resist bitterness.

Which I heard somewhere that making lemonade is really simple….those are the only two ingredients that you need.

I just got back from a jog. And for those of you who don’t live near to us here in Orange County…there has been a storm that rolled in on  Monday, and we have been plagued with frigid weather and rain for the past several days. And yes, this isn’t merely “Orange County Cold,” I believe it really classifies as cold; it was 43 degrees when I got back in the car from the run (that’s 6 degrees Celsius for my international friends).

“Jog?” You ask. “Like, you really went running in this storm?”

Yep. And it was the best run I have ever had in my entire running career. Seriously, when I got back to the house, I had to double check my distance, because I have never run 5 miles so fast.

So let me paint you a little picture of what played out in front of me this afternoon during my jog:

The rain is falling steadily in the darkening afternoon. And there I am running with a determined pace, feet pounding against the sidewalk with purpose.  All layers of my clothes are soaking wet; my hair is damp and sticking to my forehead as my pink cheeks glow with energy. The sky is dark and churning, and it almost seems as if the next hour floats my in slow motion, with the drops of rain dramatically colliding into my skin, mixing with the droplets of perspiration as I press forward purposefully.

It is in this moment that it dawns of me, that this is really a beautiful moment. We have all had times in our lives when you look around and see something noteworthy – something breathtaking. Sprinting in the pouring rain, pushing through the night to set details just right for the important presentation in the morning, facing the mistakes you have made and telling someone that you are wrong and you are sorry, muscling through a rock climb until your hands begin to bleed in desperation, the examples are endless. But they all have one thing in common – there is pain. There is ugliness. There are dark clouds. And yet it is because of these obstacles that there can be beauty.  Its like a tense marriage where there must be the existence of one to have the other.

The human spirit is a very curious thing. It will be not be shoved down easily. It can take dark nights of the soul, death, break ups, lay offs, bankruptcies, miscarriages, car accidents, sexual abuses, sorrows, traumas, and tragedies and yet still push through. It is as if at one moment we decide that we do not want to disappear silently, and dig ourselves out of the cocoons and emerge with fierceness to overcome.

And as a people, there is something that we find fascinating with this entire process. We have an entire multi-billion dollar movie industry built upon it. Think about the premise of nearly any movie ever made. You have a character, you become acquainted with their situation, and then they encounter a problem, a trauma, or a tragedy. The main position of the movie is to allow us to witness them overcoming their circumstances. And this is the underlying theme for dramas like Million Dollar Baby, romance movies like The Notebook, or even children’s movies like Akeela and the Bee. There is something in each of us that silently cheers for the beauty and the sorrow. There is something in us that loves the tension.

There is something in me that made me come home, staring out the window at the rain, and decide to reach for my running shoes. There is something in me that loves the feel of my heart pounding in my chest and the music begins to majestically fill my ears while the rain and sweat pours down my face.

I know it is not everyday that it makes sense to me like this. There are days when I see the clouds and I simply want to crawl back to bed and hide away from the rain and cold. But one thing that I realize, is that in general, we are a people that love to see what we are made of. We love to rise to the occasion. We love to overcome adversity with ferocity.

So, I’m thankful for today. And for rain. And for beautiful jogs in the storm. And for realizations that, in the words of Dorothy Thompson,

“…Life in all of its sorrows is good; even if in a sense beyond our own understanding.”

Since I have been home, spending much of my time par-oozing the Internet for employment opportunities, I have most definitely come across some amazing employment ideas. See, as my plans have begun to come together, I have looked into various options overseas. The thing is, I am looking tp possibly leave in approximately five to six months, so that means I will have to find some “temporary employment” options. And when you think about, you really can do anything for 5 to 6 months – which has allowed me to have some creative freedoms in the job search.

I have had some fairly safe employment ideas, such as being an admin or some sort of clerical worker. But then there have been moments where I have had marvelous ideas. There is one in particular that I am bent on trying to figure out how in the world such a beautiful idea went so wrong.

I want to be a mail carrier for the U.S. Postal Service.

Yes, you heard me correctly. I saw the job description, and suddenly knew that all of my worries in life were cured. I was going to get the most stunning job in the world – I had spinning images of me in dark blue Dickie shorts, socks pulled up my calves, and a tan wide brimmed hat. I would have a side satchel filled with mail slung over my crisp pin-stripped shirt, complete with “Jenni” embroidered over the pocket. I would be smiling, and I would have my ipod buds in both ears.

The birds are chirping, the sun is out, and the flowers are blooming. Maybe even the trees and the clouds would all magically have little faces and begin singing with me as I stroll down the street “Zip-it-y do da! Zip-it-y A!” I would smile at small children, and hand them their mail with a smile. “Go give this you your mommy!” And then I would pat their golden curls before they would run inside with the letters tucked under their little arms.

What job could be better?

Not to mention that any kind of government worker makes generous salaries, coupled with well rounded benefits, and unbelievable retirement packages. So clearly, my problems are solved. I am going to get a job with the U.S. Postal Service, and I am going to be a happy camper.

So I email my resume (seriously, I sent it in). Immediately, I get an email indicating that I am a “great match for the open position at the U. S. Postal Service!” Perfect! That was so quick!! The email continued to say that I needed to call the listed number and talk to one of their hiring specialist to get hired right away.

So what did  I do? I picked up the phone and called the hot line. A gentleman picked up, asking me if I had already sent in my resume. “Yes, I did,” I told him.

“Now,” he says to me, “Have you already had your test scores sent into our offices?”

Screeching Halt. “Test Scores?”

“Yes,” he continues, “There is a test that you will need to take first in order to be eligible to apply.”

My visions of little chirping birdies and singing flowers is already beginning to fade. “Can you please give me further information regarding this so called test?”

“Sure,” he says, “Its a test with about 100 questions on it…”

 ”What kind of questions?” I interrupt. “Is it like 1) Where does the mail go? …answer: in the mail box. 2)Do you shoot people when you get stressed out? …answer:No.”

He laughs. “Well Miss, not quite. Its a bit more intensive than that.”

 Crap. This is already way more work than I had planned on doing….and I havent even finished applying yet. He went onto explain that it is 100 questions, and it involves memorization of postal codes and various city limits, etc. He mentioned that there were study materials to help prepare for the test.

“Are you kidding me?” I ask him. “These people carry around these huge heavy bags all day long, you make them walk in all of the elements, and you are going to make them memorize all that crap before they can even apply? That’s a jip!”

He laughed. “The test is not actually that bad. And we do offer excellent retirement benefits. It really can be a great employment opportunity.”

“Ok,” I say, “I’ll take the test. Send me out the materials.” I figured that I can study between applying for other jobs. And who knows, it might be really easy! And then I can have my dream of wearing white socks pulled to my mid calf as I deliver mail to happy children.

“Ok,” He replies, “Did I tell you about the cost of materials?”

At this point I am literally raising my eyebrows. “Cost? You not only are going to make me take a test to have this crappy job….but you are going to make me PAY to take it? How much does it cost?”

ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS.

Ladies and gentlemen, I kid you not. Your post man had to pay $150 of their own money to walk around all day and deliver mail. And that is when I decided that the U.S. Postal Service was the biggest jip around.

“You know, No thanks. I dont want to be a postal worker anymore.” I told him. And then I hung up before he could respond.

And do you want to know the crappy part? They have my email. And now they are sending me 3 emails a day to try to convince me to pay them to work for them.

U.S. Postal Service, you are a lie.