Tonight I went to a “Network Marketing” party thrown by my friend’s cousin. For those of you that are unfamiliar with the term “Network Marketing,” it is the marketing practice used by companies that try to get you to buy their products from one of their sales men; and then they get you become a salesmen yourself, recruiting your friends and family, until they become one of you, selling to their families and all of their friends. Some call the pyramid schemes, some call them genius money-makers, some call them straight out – a headache.

The product in discussion at this particular party was Monavie, the amazing “Super Fruit” juice, as endorsed by Oprah…and we all know, if Oprah says it goes, then you might as well etch it in stone, because its the God Honest Truth. In reality, I’m on the fence about the product itself. There are alot of doubts in my mind, like for example “Are we harvesting this precious Acai berry at the hands of the Brazilian farmers, both risking their lives and destroying the Amazon Forrest that it comes from – like blood diamonds?” And “Is this really that good for you? Or is this another shee-shee Newport mom drink that is going to work out all of the wonders of life?” Because I’m sure human beings couldn’t function as people before we found the technology to harvest the Acai berry and bottle it in wine bottles to sell for 45 bucks a pop. But who knows, like I said, I’m on the fence – I could be calling you in a few weeks to get you to have a “Tasting Party” so I can sucker you into the crap with me.

Now I have been to “Network Marketing” parties before, and we all hate them! Why we continue to accept the invitations is beyond me. Maybe we think that “I’ll really leave my wallet in the car this time, and I wont buy anything!” But they always end the same way. Me sitting there trying to convince myself that I really want to buy this over-priced novelty, while I fill out an order form.

The quintessential experience was the last time I went to a Party Lite Party. My girlfriend had bought the lie that if she really got into it and made it her full time job, she would make 3 million dollars a year….by selling over priced candles to her friends. Now here is the scene with that party:

There is a beautiful platter of strawberries, blueberries, brie cheese and crackers, decorated with small white doyleys. There couches are filled with beautiful women, dressed to the nines, as they politely listen to the sales pitch and thumb through the catalogue of products. By the end of the evening, the hostess is counting her orders, the guests are all questing why they just bought a candle for 36 dollars. All of the brie cheese is gone, and the fruit platter is demolished. The friends smile and hug, thanking each other for their time before they head for home.

Now let’s flip to the Monavie Party. There were also beautiful platters of strawberries, blueberries, brie cheese and crackers. But the major difference was that the Seller was a male, meaning that the majority of the guests were male. The speaker was a male. Now, we listened to the sales pitch, and most of the men sat with their arms crossed. By the end of the evening, all of the brie cheese and strawberries lay completely untouched, and the men were screaming at one another.  Ok, maybe not really screaming, but I think the word “explosive” was used to describe the events. The men didnt want to just sit with their hands folded and listen. They asked questions,…hard questions. They were calculating numbers, and debating right back at the speaker. And it wasn’t just one boisterous man, it was most of them.

Now here is the part that I get a bit jealous of. Those guys didnt walk to their cars asking themselves why they just bought a 46 dollar bottle of juice. The screamed their piece, they calmed down, they shook hands, and they went home as friends. No hard feelings…closed just like that. Now, my question is

Why can’t women do that?

I think if that would have happened at the PartyLite party, women would have gone home fuming, turning over the events of the evening, and calling her girlfriends to “Just make sure I’m not crazy on this one.” Now when I came home and told my roommate about my experience, she quickly responded “women are just more SENSITIVE to each others feelings!“

…? Ok women of the world…where is our logic in that!

We are more in tune with each others feelings, so we repress our own and buy things that we dont want? While the MEN just sit there and lay in all of the table. They feel irritated, they yell. They feel they disagree, they interrupt the speaker to interject their opinion. Isn’t THAT more on an example of being in touch with your feelings….so we can express them to one another? If we as women are SO MUCH MORE in touch with emotions, shouldnt we be SO MUCH BETTER at expressing them to one another? Telling each other what we feel? And the cherry on this Sundae is the part where all the men could just STOP – realize that the conversation WAS NOT personal – they cracked open a beer, hugged it out  and headed for the door. No hard feelings, just like that.

Monavie or no Monavie…I’m stumped. Sorry girls, but I can’t help but be envious of the guys on this one. They seem to have to “Emotional communication” way more figured out than we do. And even thought I’ve been walking around feeling and thinking woman thoughts and feelings my whole life…..I still think we’re crazy.