California

Don’t let it be gone, this floating feeling

Of walking out of an airport and into a pink cloud of cherry blossom freedom

Freedom is found in the letting go

And the falling into the fling

To fling and not know what is on the other side of trust

  It’s Reckless

It’s Careless

Abandon.

Lost and waiting for an answer to a question.

Not wanting to take security in having an answer,

But really wanting to know what God sees in me and for me

I know there are gifts within my soul,

Mist of golden and fireflies lie deep within my belly

And yet I still want someone else to walk by and hand me a map of myself and a ticket to the rest of my life

But there is peace.

And there is Tension

It’s Awkward

 And still smooth.

Breathing for the first time in deep full breaths of cotton candy oxygen

Breathe in the backwardness.

I have no map and I have no ticket. I have a leather couch in California and guaranteed failure.

Could peace in failure and sitting on a couch just may be my road to really doing something extraordinary?

Of course, this is the backwards kingdom we are talking about

The First are last and last are first

 The Rich are poor and poor get rich lives.

So stop all the nonsense or it will all be gone.

Go sit on the couch and breathe the wild failure of cherry blossom freedom.

And Wish it.

And Crave it.

And Dream it.

Say it “So, ok, I want it!”

Go climb back on that plane and head back to where things once went all wrong

To where the messes all still lay alive and flexing with breath

Still there are no answers to the questions but instead a consciousness that things are not as they once were

There is a newness under this old skin, a dancing and a skipping

There is an inkling of bravery and a knowledge full well of what is on the other side of trust

There is peace.

There is breath.

There is Cotton candy oxygen and there is cherry blossom failure.

There are Leather Couches.

 And there is California.